Well, it has been a while. I’m going to blame the crazy schedule and the fact that I decided my me time for the past two weeks was to watch a little TV, not write. Though I’m going to try to adjust that a little bit.
Induction finished without much of a hitch. I definitely pulled my Achilles tendon. The short story is I fell out of my bed. The only part that really matters is that another wonderful 2012 CM let me borrow a brace, so I’ve been limping around Rice campus for about a week now. But it was fun and I learned a lot at Induction.
And now I have survived my first week of institute. Which is a blessing and a curse, of course. Nothing is ever easy.
The first week of institute makes me laugh, thinking back on it. They just keep throwing us into stuff. We had to handle lesson planning, countless seminars, testing, not getting lost – and that’s just the short list. I think the hardest day, by far, was Thursday. Our first lesson plans were due, so my roommate was up the night before until 4 AM, which made it a little more difficult to get restful sleep. Over the course of the day things kept building up. Misunderstandings, everyone’s nerves were on edge so I inadvertently contributed to a member of my group going to the bathroom to cry. We had a ton of work to do for Friday, and I had to grade papers and input the data by 9. I sat down to grade my tests, and none of my students made above a 50% on their pre-test. Disheartened, I tried to confide in someone and received a well-meant but poorly-timed sermon about my duty and responsibility towards my kids. After getting my data in late and feeling guilty, I printed off everything and prepared for a late night with my group when my brother called. My dog had died that morning, and I had not had much of a warning.
Needless to say, the stress of Institute broke me and I burst into tears right outside the copy center. My collab took care of the homework, and I put myself to bed after a much-needed phone call with my best friend.
It wasn’t until Friday night that I realized how much the stress and lack of sleep had affected me for the past week. Because we jumped straight from Induction to Institute, we didn’t really get much of a break. My school here in Houston sponsored a night out for us at a piano bar. It was so much fun! I had never been to one before, and I love music and performance so it was right up my alley. As I was bouncing around and being silly, I felt the change happen. Of me slipping back and letting go of the stress. It was wonderful.
I always said to myself I would see the positive. That there would be bad days and hard days, but that I would look at them from a positive place and attack with passion. I promised that I would keep my optimism, because it is one thing that I truly value. It only took two weeks for me to lose it, and this is a place where I am surrounded by people who support me and understand exactly what I’m going through. What is going to happen at my school?
Now I know. And I’m going to try to keep it from happening again. I can’t guarantee anything, but I sure can do my best to be the positive person in my group.
Thank you for all the good wishes, the love and the support. For every text from my ttl, every hug from my collabs, and every heartfelt conversation about my own personal well-being, I am truly grateful. Thank you.